I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
