well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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