I hope mine doesn't look like that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
