I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you remember whose house we're in?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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