i would punch a child for taco bell
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
