WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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