its not stalking. its research.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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