He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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