Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
