i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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