Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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