Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
