can we get nightvision for the apartment?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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