Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Small penises have feelings too.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
