I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
