whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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