She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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