dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
