I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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