Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
