So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
