I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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