I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
