Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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