I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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