I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
