I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
