you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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