Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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