D3 body, D1 cock
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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