Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
