how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
