i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
