k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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