Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
