Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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