I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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