What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
