Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
