Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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