My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
