I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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