I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize