She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We're too hungover to prance.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please don't give away my fajitas
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
