My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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