i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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