I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
