i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
