my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
