your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
