She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
zippers are such a cool invention
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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