i was born a porn star she said
i can't believe i had my finger in that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
