Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
