i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
