u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
