And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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