I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
