My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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