OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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