Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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