Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
