I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
